All The Children Won't Sing

I woke up this morning and started jotting down some ideas for this next story. And it's a good idea and in a strange way I'm compelled to write it but I won't. Because all the while something was gnawing away at me and I realized that I don't want to forever ruin this song for me and especially for anyone else. So, at least for now, I need to let it go.

But here's what I wrote so far. Harmless fragments, really, but maybe you can decipher where I was heading with this piece and, therefore, understand why maybe its not such a good idea to continue:


All The Children Sing


We were all children once. Think of that.
Even that ugly little bastard that runs around here with those crazed eyes that never look at me. Surely there was a time when even he smiled and played happily with the other children. You know, innately pleased as hell to just be alive.


You know what? That ugly little bastard probably shot out of his mother’s womb ready to kill Americans. Does the hatred really run that deep? Is it in their genes by now?


A bell in your head will ring…

...and ring… and ring… and ring. When did it first start? Oh, in February of ’99, around Valentines Day as I recall. The ringing in my ears. Tinnitus the doctors called it. And at first it was terrifying, it was changing my life, ending it perhaps, or at least my way of life that I had grown accustomed to for almost forty years. Mainly, a silent one, at least when I so chose. But not now. Never again said one of the doctors, that son-of-a-bitch. I wept as I drove away from his office that afternoon. But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, you somehow learn to adjust, and sooner than you might think you’ve pushed it to the back of your mind and once again you’re back to where you were. That's life baby... that's living!

And what causes that constant buzz. A sound very much like that electric hum right after you turn off a television. White noise. They say it’s caused by hearing loss and your brain has to compensate for that tiny void of sound. Lost decibels or whatever. But how dumb must our human brains truly be to compensate with that constant ugly buzz. Why not the sound of birds singing or the low tasteful moaning of a woman experiencing orgasm?

Stress makes it worse. And now my ears are humming and if I think about it and listen then I get overwhelmed by the rushing of this electric river.